The great Ben Nelson bellows out 

Like an American Dumbledore:

“Everything is Intentional here at Minerva.”

We, ickle firsties, stare wide-eyed

And look forward to an experience founded with intent.

The next day the water is out for several hours.

Everything is Intentional.

We are being prepared to live in a desert-filled future where water is a luxury.

We must learn to make do with what we have

Everything is Intentional

The fire alarm blares almost non-stop for a few days.

Everything is Intentional

The real world is full of distractions

We must learn to cope

This is brain surgery

Everything is Intentional

On the first Friday, construction sounds keep the entire cohort awake

Everything is intentional

Sleep is for the weak

The more time awake, the more time we have to change the world

There is no time for rest

We are all out of the dark now

Everything is intentional

My room key demagnetizes on the third day

everything is intentional

In the outside world it’s often hard to get into the places we want to be

I ask my roommate to let me in

This is #(insert suitable HC here)

everything is intentional

My food is stolen for the third time

everything’s intentional

This has taught me to trust no one

The world is a cruel, unforgiving place and Minerva must prepare me

everything’s intentional

ALF  has crashed

evverythngs intentional

For 21 minutes I am stuck in limbo

I fear the rest of the planet has died

I get a 2 for #context

evrythings intensional

Shift 1 is no longer working

evereythinisintenshional

I descend into the depths of shift 2

My breakout group shift 3 in agreement

As I stare into the webcam as an answer

Everythingisintentuonanl

I am given 30 seconds to answer the poll

Evverythingisinteionntial

the poll has three questions

I must answer them all

I try to think but all I can come up with are the lyrics to baby shark

I am over the character limit

Punctuation is the first to go

Then articles

Dooo dooo doo doo doo doo

Everytingininstensiionl

I have not slept for about two days now

eeveryinthinintentioanl

be more specific

I have not slept for 39 hours now

the others nonetheless envy me

I still remember what sleep feels like

eeeverryintnentoianl

Screen sharing never works and has never worked

veryithinhgsintestional

Life is filled with lies and expectations that will never be met

I know this now

everhhungisintensial

It is time to end world hunger says one

Another has eaten a single cup of noodles in 6 days

they are the same person

evereythinintanal

Ben Nelson stares at me through the gap in my blinds that awakens me at 6:02 exactly

Everything is Intentional.