This Anthropologie Cardigan That Costs $198

Oh no! You don’t believe in fur, Aunt Jean? And you don’t want to spend $200 on a cardigan with an inexplicable French name? Well, all right then, I guess money is fine.

A Blanket Because You “Can’t Afford To Keep The Heating On”

Yes, it is an absolute shame, Step-Uncle Phil, but it gets so cold around the holidays and there’s simply no way I could gather enough money to heat my home. But that’s fine, a blanket will do and— what’s that? Money? Oh, I hadn’t thought of that. Yes, I suppose that could work.

 

A Few Orders to Get Your HerbaLife Business off The Ground

This is it for me, Mom. I can feel it. I know I’ve had a few false starts in the past, but with my own HerbaLife business I will be an independent career woman and I won’t have to ask you for money any more! No, no, it’s perfectly safe. I mean, no one has died, they said. You’re still unsure? Really? Well, if you’re truly that uncomfortable…

 

Yoga Silks and Straps For The Aerial Yoga Class You’re Definitely Going To Take

You know, I’m not surprised you’ve heard of it, Aunt Christine. I mean, yes, it is related to the yoga that played a central role in all those murderous cults that turned people against Jesus, but it’s also great for unlocking your chakras! They even have a seniors class that I could take Grandpa to! Oh, what? The website didn’t work for you? That’s so odd. Yes, I know it’s not tradition but just this once maybe money is fine.

 

Vibrator

What’s that, Grandma? You “didn’t receive” my list? Oh, that’s all right. Money is fine.