We’ve all been there. Your palms are sweaty…your heart is palpitating…you’re about to have your first kiss. Here are five simple steps to make you feel better on game day:

  1. Get the bees out of your mouth. This one’s really simple, bees follow the queen, so put your hand in there, drag out the queen, and get those bees out. Your mouth is for human tongues, not bees!

  2. Make sure your lips are moist. When approached by a human to kiss sensually, ensure you match their advances with a mating ritual as old as time. Simply lick your lips quite fast with a LOT of saliva–this lubrication is crucial for creating a vacuum seal during the kiss.

  3. Remember to carbo load. This one is crucial–if you know 24 hours in advance that kissing will commence, it’s recommended you eat two to three plates of pasta to carbo load for the big day. Marathon runners do it and so should you.

  4. Pee yourself. The dark circle draws attention to your loins, increasing the chance of mating, resulting in a fruitful lineage. Also, if you are sweaty from the nerves, peeing yourself is a natural way to lower your body temperature.

  5. Eye contact. Intense eye contact is encouraged up to, during, and after the kiss. Intimacy is about dominance, and nothing shows dominance like unwavering eye contact with your mate. Keeping your eyes peeled for potential predators is also vital to your survival.

And there you have it, our five tips for kissing that will get you through game day. And in case saliva isn’t enough and our tips work too well, you’re going to need this. Have fun out there slugger!