Despite the overwhelming success of both previous classes, the Class of 2021 is still not immersed in San Francisco.

A senior team meeting was called by Ben Nelson last Monday, (January 1st) to deal with this lack of immersion. During the meeting, Chief Experience Officer Robin Goldberg, described the grim reality that students in the class of 2021 refrain from smoking weed in Dolores Park, avoid sex dungeons, and don’t purchase acid from strangers in Golden Gate Park.

“We’re not sure what’s wrong with them,” says Goldberg, “we give each class a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to explore drugs and sex, but these nerds choose to stay in the residence halls. I get that culture shock might slow you down for the first month, but after a whole semester they’re still a bunch of sober losers. What will the parents think when they learn they sent their precious child to San Francisco, and all they have to show is a selfie with the Golden Gate bridge?”

Suspicion arose after a casual discussion among Minerva staff when Capri LaRocca noticed that no one shared a story about encountering Minerva students in a drag show or at parties for people over 21. The contrast with the two earlier classes was obvious, especially after the infamous incident where a student from 2020 was tripping balls in Golden Gate park, and thought a Minerva Staffer was a box of chicken nuggets. This new and unexpected situation alarmed the staff, prompting the senior team to wonder if the class of 2021 are even college students.

There are many speculations surrounding this immersion failure. Some staff claim the stress of the new academic policies is taking a toll. The class has unusually high grades and sobriety rates are off the charts. The academic team is looking into this odd situation, but many staff members are claiming that 2021 “just kinda suck.”

Minerva staff members are currently considering a wide range of strategies to increase immersion. Sources report that Jesse Silberberg has left a small bud in the 851 common room as a lure. Despite the efforts made to promote this experiential learning, it’s still uncertain if the class of 2021 will ever immerse in San Francisco.