SEOUL — On a walk to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf this morning, an unidentified Minerva student reportedly tumbled into a deep hole in the street. Witnesses report that the student was staring at their phone at the time of the incident. Whether this was an attempt to integrate with Korean culture or mere coincidence is yet unclear.
After the initial shock, multiple witness testimonies confirm that bystanders rushed to the scene to offer assistance, which the student refused. The student reportedly explained, “It’s really not so bad in here. Sure, I was shocked when I first started slipping, but the fall was much faster than I expected and once I hit the bottom I just thought, ‘Now that I’m running at least two minutes late, I might as well make a new life for myself here.’”
Meekly was able to reach the student for comment via Facebook Messenger. When pressed on the decision to remain in the hole despite numerous rescue attempts by friends and staff the student replied, “I get that people are trying to help me, but at this point I don’t even think I could accept the help.”
It’s unclear how long the student plans to remain in the hole. The student told The Meekly: “I still have battery on my phone and apparently there’s a Paris Baguette nearby because I’m connected to their wifi, so if I get hungry I can always just start screaming and see if someone will drop in a muffin.” Friends of the student seem to be in agreement that they will “probably visit every once in awhile” but none seem particularly excited to get in the hole themselves as they all “have their own shit to deal with.”
Our sources are unclear as to what the hole was doing in the street to begin with. Representatives of the hole refused to comment at this time.